Aztec calendar be damned: There’s a new Armageddon in town, and its name is twenty-eleven. Family Radio, an Oakland, Calif.-based Christian broadcasting network, is claiming the Bible “guarantees” that May 21 of this year (mark your calendars) will be the official, world-wide Judgment Day — here at last after centuries of anticipation.

To spread the “awesome news,” as they call it, they’ve assembled four caravans — and oh-so-cleverly named the group “Project Caravan.” They will travel the country and make everyone — Christians, non-believers and Scientologists alike — aware that (to reference locally) before the alleged benefits of Gov. Scott Walker’s budget repair bill begin to show, Wisconsin, along with the rest of the world, will already be dead.

The even more awesome news (see: sarcasm, forehead slap) is that they’ll be traveling to popular spring break destinations to do so; because everyone enjoying a vacation in the sun wants an entourage of church crazies to show up and tell them they’re going to Hell, right?

The website gives the destinations of all four caravans, complete with dates. Next week’s itinerary:
Caravan One: Birmingham and Montgomery, Ala., and Atlanta, Ga.
Caravan Two: Little Rock, Ark., and Fort Smith, Ariz.
Caravan Three: Boston, Mass.
Caravan Four: Los Angeles and San Diego, Calif.

If you do end up traveling to any of these locations, the important thing to remember is to just ignore the caravans and enjoy your break … because after all, it could be your last.