You guys, you know I love you. And I love doing things for you. For instance, watching awful movies and telling you about how bad they are. I love that. Hopefully you feel the same way. As a reward (I guess) for sticking around ALL SEMESTER (we were so young back then!), it’s time for the first annual Twimdies, or TWMDMAwards. As a recap, I’ll let you browse all of the movies we’ve watched together this spring because things are about to get REAL:
“Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen”
“Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist”
“Bio-Dome”
I’m tearing up just remembering all the good times we had. Nostalgia. Wow.
Anyway, as you look through all the past movies, keep a heavy heart and an alert mind because it’s NOMINEE-TIME (for the results, check out the Currents section in this week’s issue of The Spectator absolutely bombarding newsstands across campus and Eau Claire starting Thursday May 12).
Here are the nominees for the “Worst, Most Despicable Actor” Twimdy:
-The staunchly laughable Nicolas Cage in (besides every movie ever that he’s been in) “The Wicker Man”
-The always-baffling Tommy Wiseau in “The Room”
-The off-puttingly unemotional Optimus Prime in “Transformers 2”
Here are the nominees for the “Worst, Most Despicable Actress” Twimdy:
-The undeniably barfworthy Kat Dennings in “Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist”
-The pushy, brace-faced Yuck Mouth in “Roll Bounce”
-The veteran cinematic treasure, Philip Seymour Hoffman in “The Wicker Man”
Here are the nominees for the “Worst, Most Despicable Butt Joke” Twimdy:
-When Jackie Chan turns the watch of the tuxedo to “Shake Booty” and dances uncontrollably
-Martin Lawrence calling every girl his “bun” in “Black Knight”
-All 111 minutes of “Baby Geniuses”
Here are the nominees for the “Worst, Most Despicable Sex Sequence” Twimdy:
-The first 40 minutes of “The Room”
-In “My Super Ex-Girlfriend,” when Uma Thurman uses her superpowers in bed with Luke Wilson and the bed slams into the wall. THEN LATER, after Anna Faris gets superpowers, she DOES THE SAME THING, but the bed actually crashes through the wall.
-In “Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist,” when Nick and Norah go into Norah’s dad’s recording studio and do sex stuff, and then the VU meter on the microphone is maxing out because of her stupid, dumb, gross moaning.
Here are the nominees for the “Worst, Most Despicable Tan” Twimdy:
-Tommy Wiseau’s disgusting butt in “The Room”
-Everyone sweating and greased up and in the sun in “Transformers 2”
-Matthew McConaughey always
Here are the nominees for the “Worst, Most Despicable Impossible Technology” Twimdy:
-The stupid, dumb, awful remote that Adam Sandler is CURSED with in “Click.” (Honestly, this could pertain to anything dealing with time travel (looking at you, “Ghosts of Girlfriends Past” and “Black Knight” and ohmygodican’tbelievesomanyterriblemovieshavetodealwithtimetravel))
-The virus that the plants in “The Happening” use to trigger human brains to cause the person to kill themselves in increasingly creative ways because fossil fuels
-Pauly Shore’s film career
Here are the nominees for the “Worst, Most Despicable Scene” Twimdy:
-In “Ghost Ship,” when that dude tries to have sex with the sexy ghost of a sexy lounge singer that was on the ghost ship, but then he falls down a shaft
-In “Ghost Ship,” when the cable snaps and EVERYONE (except a child) gets CUT IN HALF
-In “Transformers 2,” when that robot humps Megan Fox’s greasy leg and she finds it flattering (you know, now that I think of it, ALL OF THE HUMPING IN ‘TRANSFORMERS 2”)
-The it-will-definitely-leave-you-speechless flower shop scene in “The Room”
-When Stephen Baldwin says, “This is the weirdest bomb I’ve ever built” in the movie, “Earthstorm”
-When the baby genius is playing Crash Bandicoot (lol) in the abandoned mall.
-The sometimes 35-minute-long rollerskating sequences by Bow Wow and his rollerbros in “Roll Bounce”
-When Martin Lawrence teaches the Medieval people Sly and the Family Stone’s “Dance to the Music” using only their old minstrel instruments
AND FINALLY
Here are the nominees for the “Worst, Most Despicable Picture” Twimdy:
-“The Wicker Man”
-“The Room”
-“Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist”
-“My Super Ex-Girlfriend”
-“Bio-Dome”
LET YOUR VOICE BE HEARD! Vote for which you think should win the Twimdy for “Worst, Most Despicable Picture.” Answer the poll on Facebook!
And make sure to pick up The Spectator on May 12to see which terrible, despicable, horrible movie gets which Twimdy!
Love you guys!
