Christmas classics

Christmas classics are called such for a reason. They demand to be listened to. They deserve to be respected.

Maybe I’m partial to old-time Christmas music because I actually have to go over the river and through the woods to get to my grandmother’s house, or maybe it’s because it’s simply much better than the trash we call music today.

There’s something about the classics that brings a listener’s mind into a snow-covered world filled with joy and love and cookies. The new songs don’t possess that same power. Instead, they bring unfamiliar and, frankly, not-as-great melodies and sometimes sad lyrics. I’m looking at you, Coldplay’s “Christmas Lights.”

Not all of the songs are “mood-plummeters,” but some are instead too poppy and don’t have the sound of a timeless tune. Apparently Fetty Wap has a song called “Merry Xmas.” Who knew he cared about anything but his trap queens?

The classics are so good that artists have been trying to remake them as their own for years. Only the naive have attempted to introduce their own new songs, including Ariana Grande, R. Kelly and Katy Perry. These are not the kind of songs that make me want to roast chestnuts on an open fire. In fact, they’re the kind of songs that make me want to turn off the radio.

The innocence of Christmas is also important. I want to hear about a child thinking they see their mommy kissing Santa Claus, not about Justin Bieber’s hormone-driven plea to kiss someone under the mistletoe.

Baby, it’s cold outside the classics. Modern tunes don’t leave listeners feeling warm and fuzzy like a Christmas song is meant to, which is why I’m dashing through the snow and far, far away from today’s new Christmas music.

— Erica Jones, Staff Writer

New releases

This just in from Vogue; Black, maxi skirts and old Christmas music are out.  As we know, orange is the new black, leggings are all the rage and modern Christmas music is on the rise.

I don’t know about you but I need to hear “Silent Night” or “Away in a Manger” like I need a hole in the head.  I mean, come on.  Traditional Christmas music?  More like tired and old Christmas music.  We need a Christmas revival.

Why listen to those tired old repeats when you could listen to more modern Christmas music like the acapella group Pentatonix?  Why listen to Wham or Mariah Carey when you could be swooning while listening to literally any of the Christmas music by Michael Buble?

How about we keep music hip and modern, and support artists who are still alive?  James Ramsey Murray who is the composer of the most widely known version of “Away in a Manger,” died in 1905.  Even earlier than that, Joseph Mohr, the man who wrote “Silent Night,” died in 1848.

Comparative to the deceased composers, Justin Bieber (I know, ew) is in his early 20s.  Michael Buble, my future husband, only just hit his 40s.

So why not celebrate the amazing musicians who are actually here?  Because, as much as it stinks, I know I will never be able to see Elvis perform, much less see him perform “Blue Christmas” live.  But, I have seen Pentatonix in concert before, and you bet your Christmas stockings that I’m going to try my best to see Michael Buble live before I die.

This season, may your holiday be merry and your music be modern.  Happy Holidays everyone!

— Sara Klein, Staff Writer