A couple years back I wrote a column called “Getting it together,” which is an era I fondly remember. I woke up early, I cleaned my room and I ate healthy. Everything seemed like it was going well on my end — I was finally becoming the version of myself I knew I could be.

Fast-forward to the present day: Everything is not going well.

I’m in the midst of the most important semester of my academic career: student teaching. In December I walk the stage. In January I complete my placements and in February I receive my state licensure to educate other people’s children.

I can’t afford to not get it together — for real this time. I’m sure some of the fine readers of The Spectator are in the same boat.

It’s time for me to say sayonara to heaps of laundry, hitting snooze seven times, and procrastinating real-life work. That jazz just won’t fly in the real world, and I refuse to be unprepared for life outside the nest of post-secondary education.

Here’s a list of the most abhorrent aspects of my life that I plan to improve — for good this time, really  — over the course of the semester.

1. Meal prep: Every morning I’ve been buying a Kwik Trip salad before school, which I eat for lunch. This is an issue for two reasons. Reason A: Kwik Trip salads come in a plastic container with a plastic lid, which I have been throwing away every day. Ew, how dare I preach about sustainability while flagrantly flouting my own addiction to the convenience of disposables. Reason B: Every morning at Kwik Trip I spend about $6 on coffee and lunch. I’m running out of funds because I’m not working this semester while I pull full-time hours at school. 
2. My room: It’s never been such a disaster. The laundry is only one small part of the whole hot mess. Empty cups and dishes are battling for the prime spot on my bedside table. My indoor herb garden is a cemetery. My half-empty duffel bag is still sitting in the middle of the floor after a trip three weeks ago. I stumble over it, along with every pair of shoes I own, every single day. 
3. My car: Last Tuesday my car got hit by the garbage truck. That’s it, that’s the story. Also it’s a mess and I have to check the oil.

1. Mornings: Every day I set my alarm for two hours before I need to leave the house. Every day I wake up 15 minutes before I need to leave the house. 
2. TBD: There are so many other bad, lazy, irresponsible habits I have that need to be eradicated. I just can’t think of them right now because I’m busy drowning in my own filth. 

Catch me next week meal-prepping, because this is Getting it Together: the remix. Until then, I’m just a girl, standing in the puddle of dirty clothes in front of her dresser, wondering how many more pairs of my very worst underwear I have until I’m forced to do laundry.

I’ll be tackling a simple task every week in an attempt to truly, finally, get it together. The methods I use will be applicable to any other human who keeps running out of clean mugs, and thus I will be doing a service to humanity by helping the seething, unwashed masses become seething, washed masses.

I will accept any and all thoughts, prayers or financial gifts.