(Disclaimer: This article is satire and is not meant to be taken seriously. It does not reflect the views of The Spectator or UW-Eau Claire.)

Yale University released a study last week regarding the heightened usage of the word “spooky” heard throughout October.

“The word has grown in popularity these past few years, and we knew it was used most prominently by people who are obsessed with Halloween,” said Brett Fisher, a Yale graduate student.

Fischer is the leader of the ten-member research team that conducted the study.

“We simply wanted to see if higher usage of the word ‘spooky’ suggested low intelligence, as the people who are most obsessed with Halloween never seem to be the brightest crayons in the box,” Fischer said. 

Fischer and his team conducted their research on 100 random adults from the Yale campus, as well as adults from the surrounding city of New Haven, Conn. 

Interviews were conducted on each subject with questions in regards to their use of the word, and their feelings towards Halloween and October in general. Afterward, each individual took an IQ test.

Individuals who used the word often on Twitter or changed their name on Twitter were also noted. 

“Our data very strongly suggests that adults who use the word ‘spooky’ have a below average IQ,” Fisher said.

Fischer also gave a statistical conclusion for the study.

“Our P-value was infinitesimally small, meaning that there is an unimaginably small chance that saying ‘spooky’ does not mean that you have a low IQ,” Fisher said. 

Fischer and his team reportedly took over 200 hours to conduct all of the interviews, research and rigorous calculations.

“With such definitive results, and Yale’s name next to the study, you can definitely say that people who say ‘spooky’ are morons; this includes people who say ‘spooky season,’” Fischer said.

However, not everyone was pleased with the study’s results.

Katie Irwin, a third-year English student who is also known as “Spooky Katie” on Twitter, said she believes the results are ridiculous. 

“Just because I love Halloween does not mean that my intelligence is lower than everyone else’s!” Irwin said. “October is the best thirty days of the year, and I should be allowed to celebrate them loud and proud!” 

This new study has led to thousands of angry Halloween enthusiasts across the country. When groups get passionate about a cause and put their brains together, great things can happen. However, this study seems to show that this large group’s combined brain power could barely charge an iPhone to 50 percent. 

Doyle can be reached at [email protected]