(Disclaimer: This article is satire and is not meant to be taken seriously. It does not reflect the views of The Spectator or UW-Eau Claire.)

One hundred level classes are generally considered lower level introduction courses for a department. Every student must start their major with these courses, but also many others in different departments in order to fulfill liberal education requirements.

This last week, professors across all departments held a meeting to plan out the upcoming final exams. What the professors talked about has many students scared for their grade point average.

The consensus at the meeting was that college is a higher level of education, and there should be no such thing as an ‘easy final.’

“We want to make every 100 level class a ‘weed out’ class now,” Mike Hunt, a physics professor, said. 

Hunt claims too many students write off their lower level finals as easy and do not put in the effort the classes deserve.

“Physics 100 is not a joke, and anyone who believes that will see their stupidity reflected in their final grade,” Hunt said. “We all believe that a relatively easy course with a difficult final is a good balance for these lower level courses.”

Many students are angry about the decision, claiming that since many of these courses they take are not in their major, they should not have to put more time into them.

“This decision is absolutely ridiculous,” Emmet Robertson, a third-year critical studies student, said. “All of these professors have Ph.D.s, and yet, they seem to be the most idiotic people on campus.” 

Robertson is a student in Hunt’s Physics 100 class, and he said the study guide includes content from the hardest parts of the course, including concepts not even taught.

“It is going to take me longer to prepare for this 100 level class than all of my other exams combined,” Robertson said. “I don’t care about physics, I’m just here for the credit, and if this class is the one that slaughters my GPA, I’ll be furious,” Robertson said. 

Some of the professors who helped make the decision see the difficulty of the finals being a wake up call for students.

“Grad school is extremely difficult and students need to be prepared for that,” James Wagner, a biochemistry professor, said. 

Wagner said all students should be prepared for graduate school, since he sees little point in not getting a Ph.D.

“If a student is not planning on going to grad school, then I’m happy we have a system to weed them out,” Wagner said.

Multiple complaints were sent to the Dean of Students, but no word on change has been heard. 

More updates to follow. 

Doyle can be reached at [email protected]