With campus — and seemingly everything else — closing, we are engaged in a world-altering era. 

Looking toward the future, nobody knows how the next month, six months or year are going to pan out.

The most likely scenario is that everything will go back to normal relatively soon. It is also possible that we are in the middle of a pilot episode of a series like “The Walking Dead” that will run on way longer than anyone asked for.

I am not going to try and predict what the world’s future will look like. I am neither smart enough nor qualified enough to do something like that.

I will, however, confidently and brashly predict what campus will look like in 20 years, should classes never resume.

Hibbard Humanities Hall

Hibbard has been hit with hard times since the coronavirus vacated UW-Eau Claire’s campus. It has flooded again, which has given a new species a chance to occupy the building.

The campus ducks have taken over Hibbard. Their mild temperament and love of nature have naturally drawn them towards the path of a liberal arts major.

They learned English and began creating literary works.

Unfortunately, their literary minds are dull and their work uninteresting. They are ducks. All they write about is bodies of water and how they miss the days of people feeding them bread.

Schneider Hall

The College of Business has naturally been taken over by the wasps. After they used up Hilltop’s resources, they gravitated towards Schneider.

Their aggression and desire for superiority have made them born business tycoons. 

The wasps have graduated countless billionaires and CEOs of fortune 500 companies, naturally.

Hilltop recreation

After the wasps fled, Hilltop housed some of the last remaining humans on campus.

The eSports’ League of Legends team remains.

They began a winning streak the day before classes were canceled and have spent 20 years playing without looking up from their computers.

Blissfully unaware that the coronavirus has drastically altered life as we know it, the LOL team may soon face reality, for they are running dangerously low on G-Fuel and Red Bull.

The Riverview cafe is still open, for the hard-working employees have remained dedicated to ensuring no Blugold will go hungry, regardless of species.

Phillips Hall

Phillips has been taken over by the various arachnids from around campus. They have foreseen the need for growth in the STEM field and began utilizing the resources Phillips has to offer.

They have made great advancements in spider’s knowledge of physics and chemistry.

Using their newfound intelligence in the engineering field, the spiders constructed an elevator, making it so incoming students will never have to endure the terror known as The Hill.

Taking advantage of the computer science department, the spiders have learned to engineer software.

They created their own internet and are extremely furious the name “World Wide Web” was already taken.

Davies Student Center

Davies has remained the hub of UW-Eau Claire’s campus. Students all across campus gather to eat teriyaki bowls and attend BOB.

Chancellor Schmidt has held his position as UW-Eau Claire’s chancellor.

He saw the need for adaptation to make UW-Eau Claire an interspecies university and jumped into action.

It is more than likely that this fictional future will never come to pass. It is probable that I am a blabbering goofball writing nonsense.

Fortunately, nobody else knows what the future will hold. For the time being, I will pretend that I am right.

Johnson can be reached at [email protected].