Editor’s Note: This is a satirical article and is not meant to be taken seriously. It does not reflect the opinions of The Spectator or UW-Eau Claire.
Punxsutawney Phil predicted on Feb. 2 there would be an early spring, though his calculation was quickly proven false to many people’s dismay.
A winter weather advisory swept through northern Wisconsin on Feb. 14 and by the end of Feb. 15, approximately 3.5 inches of wet snow had accumulated.
Third-year earth sciences student, Bella Bogus said she was excited for the prospect of an early spring as she was tired of the fluctuating weather.
“I love being one step closer to summer,” Bogus said. “I was so excited to see Phil had predicted an early spring, I am done with this inconsistent weather.”
Bogus said that she was heartbroken when Phil’s prediction was proven false by the storm in Eau Claire, but she still believes in the holiday and the tradition.
“It did make me feel heartbroken when I saw the winter weather advisory on my weather app, and then it was proven true,” Bogus said. “But this does not change my faith in the holiday. This was just a one-off for Phil. He’ll do better next year!”
Phil said it warmed his heart to hear fans still believe in him despite being wrong, and only makes him want to do better next year.
Clyde Counterfeit, a fourth-year finance student did not share the same opinions. He said that he had never believed in the idea of a groundhog predicting the weather, and this incident just proved his disbelief.
“I never believed in Groundhog’s Day from when they introduced it to me in elementary school,” Counterfeit said. “This snowfall after being told we would get an early spring just cements the fact that groundhogs cannot predict the weather.”
Phil said he is deeply sorry about the miscalculation, and hopes that you will continue to believe in him for as long as he has the honor of predicting.
“I am truly sorry about my misstep of an early spring,” Phil said. “I may have messed up this year, but I hope my failure has not ruined your faith in not only me but Groundhog’s Day as a holiday.”
Phil’s small council said that Phil had been wondering where he had misread his lack of shadow when coming out of his hole.
Phil said that he did not see his shadow, but maybe it was not as apparent as it has been in the past.
“I do not recall seeing a shadow this year,” Phil said. “I guess maybe that it was there, but it was too subtle to notice, let alone scare me to having another six weeks of winter. It has always been obvious to me in previous years.”
Counterfeit said that while he may not believe in the holiday, he does not think Phil’s prediction was far off.
“I don’t think the groundhog was completely off,” Counterfeit said. “I mean this small amount of snow does not seem like six more weeks of winter. It is still spring weather, so I guess he was not too far off.”
Bogus said that she is ready to plunge herself into the activities and events next year for Groundhog’s Day, and even plans to see it in person, keeping her faith in Phil.
Phil said he can only wait till next year and hopes to satisfy his fans, and is eager to make up for this year.
Boggess can be reached at [email protected].