David Taintor

Dear Ask Anything,
So I met this girl last week, and she’s great to hang out with, but I think she may be starting to like me. She’s been sending me texts, hitting on me, and she keeps asking to hang out alone. I enjoy her company and might be interested myself, but the only thing is, she weighs twice as much as me. Don’t get me wrong, I have no problem with people who are overweight, but I’m just really not attracted to her. How can I let her down easy?
Sincerely,
Easy Does It

Dear Easy,
Wow, so you said you might like her since you enjoy hanging out with her, but you can’t because she’s twice your size? Ouch, poor girl. My question is why would she fall for someone like you? Oh, did that hurt? I’m sorry, but I meant it. Anyway, if you must be shallow, here’s what you do.

First thing’s first, are you sure she likes you? She may just be overly friendly and doesn’t realize she’s flirting. Before you make a fool out of yourself and give her a big speech about how you think she’s a “nice girl” but only see her as a “friend,” try to find out from one of her friends to confirm your suspicions for sure.

If things turn out to be untrue and she just wants to be your friend, awesome – you don’t have to worry about it.

But, if true, get ready for a long period of no showering. Yup, that’s right – no showering! A good way to keep any girl away who has a sense of smell is to have awful hygiene. If I get whiff of anything body-odor-related coming from a guy, I’m gone. Having sweaty pits is another big turnoff that can occur with a lack of hygiene. Imagine getting hugged by a guy with sweaty pits . gross!

The other make-me-gag result of not showering is greasy hair. I’ll give it to some guys, greasy hair can work for them; however, for most it doesn’t. Not only does it look bad, it feels and smells gross. Hair gel was created for a reason. Also, as an added touch, tell her about your future ad campaign. You know, the one that talks about how you’re the newest face of gonorrhea. Congratulations on not hiding your disease, that takes courage – or it’ll be a kiss of death on your dating life. I’m going with the kiss of death.

Another tip that I have that’s a huge turnoff for girls – and I’ve been told for many guys too – is talking about other girls. There is nothing more annoying than hearing the guy you like talk about how hot he thinks some other girl is. Really highlight all of her best “assets” and how you hope to see her around soon. I would steer away from celebrities. Though they are attractive, they will never be realistic and won’t pose a threat. So always choose someone real . maybe someone this girl somewhat knows – but I stress the somewhat. It could turn dangerous if on non-trayless Tuesday the “hot girl” gets attacked by some love-crazed girl smacking her down with a tray in Davies.

The final thing you could do is try to introduce her to a guy she may start liking instead of you. Actually try to find a guy who has an interest in her because it would be awful for her to get blown off twice in a row. If you follow the above tips and add this in, she’ll probably forget all about you (I know I would) and then start falling for the other guy. Really talk this guy up – how nice he is, how he’s really smart and funny (huge turn ons!), how they have a lot in common, etc.

Dear Ask Anything,
I seriously love slushies. There are such a ridiculous amount of flavor combinations, and I am absolutely determined to try them all. My addiction has gotten so bad that I even bought them two separate times yesterday, purchasing the 44-ouncer each time. My stomach and wallet are both suffering. What should I do?
Sincerely,
Slushie Sucker

Dear Sucker,
It’s a shame there isn’t a patch out there for slushies like there is for cigarettes because then all I would have to do is tell you to go out to your local pharmacy and pick up the patch.

Lucky for you, there is no medical evidence, at least that I’m aware of, that says a slushie addiction is harmful to your health. They may be high in sugar and cause weight gain (which may be why your stomach is sore), but other than that, they won’t cause cancer. I say give in to this addiction – why say no when it feels so good to say yes . to slushies! I do believe, however, you can make them on your own and save a few bucks. If you think about it, slushies are basically icy Kool Aid’s or Gatorade’s. They can be pretty cheap to make on your own if you want to.

When I was growing up I was obsessed with Kool Aid. It was cheap, delicious and had a pitcher with a happy face as its spokesmodel; how could it not be every kid’s favorite tasty drink? There were quite a few irresistible flavors back in the 90s if I remember right, so I can just imagine what Kool Aid has available now. So go to the grocery store and pick out your Kool Aid choices. That’s the first thing you do – and in my opinion the most important. Don’t be scared when it comes to flavors. Branch out and try new and almost scary-sounding things. Also, consider when making your selections the ones you can mix together. Then, once back from the grocery store, mix it up, put it into empty water or Gatorade bottles, and then place them in the freezer. This is where things can get tricky. What you want to do is have it freeze to where it’s obviously a slushie, but not all ice. I had problems with this.

Back in the day before I went to dance practice, I used to put my Gatorade’s into the freezer to get them cold. Since I’m usually forgetful, I’d leave them in the freezer too long and take them out when they were nearly ice. During practice they would melt and turn into slushies, which I loved, so I figured, why don’t I try to make them into slushie form right away? This took some remembering on my part, but I learned an hour to an hour and a half usually got them to optimal slushiness, and I enjoyed my refreshing creation from there on out. Slowly I discovered Kool Aid could make slushies too, and I continued on making slushie magic.

With that, I leave you and trust you’ve followed my advice well. Now, slushie addict, go and make your slushies so your addiction can thrive on!